Just another boy meets girl story - Part 4

Life can either be seen as being dificult or easy compared to what your mindset is. When you have one focal point of attention, I guess life neither easy nor difficult. As in my case, my ony focus in life after shakti came home, was skahti. I saw shakti in every beautiful girl. I would have these imaginary conversations with shakti. Life was bliss. Conversations with her were good. What more could a guy want? Me, I wanted to know shakti more. I wanted to know that I was the only guy in her life. That I was the only one who could give her this much love. For me, Love ceased to be a feeling, it became my existence.

A month has passed since she came home. I was now getting desperate to know her feelings about me. We had been speaking for six months now and it was obvious that she liked me and I loved her. But did she love me? that was the question!! One fine day, This being a wednesday, I messaged her as usual in the evening after coming home. In the midst of our conversation via message, i slipped in the question and proposed. Silence. I am Nervously waiting, fingers crossed for the message to come back saying 'yes'. 2 minutes later, I got a call from her,
Hello
Hey Shakti,
Do you really mean what you ve said in that message?
Yes I do.(Heart beating hard, almost in my mouth)
Well, Its quite nice but........
................................................
................................................
I think she spoke about four lines after that but, but I was suddenly deaf as if my ears were recoiling in horror and not letting my body know what was happening. I just muttered
Ok so I ll catch up with you later and let the phone slip. To say that I was devasted would be an understatement. Tears were welling up in my eyes. If there was greater disappointment, I had not yet seen it. That night I lay down to sleep. With my eyes wide open.

It took me 2 days to get over my disappointment and I owe it to Divakar & Mike that I am still sane today. I had not spoken to her in those two days nor had she made any attempt to call. was this the end to a glorious six months? finally about a week after black wednesday, I called her.
Hi,
oh hi Dilip.
So how are you doing?
I m fine. how are you doing? I mean are you ok?
yeah i m fine(No i am not. why did you have to say that? why oh why?)
So you are not depressed or anything right?
I am depressed. But It becomes a little lighter everyday(just the opposite)
Oh thats nice to hear. I thought you would never call back and would be hating me now.
No way shakti, how could I hate you?(true, very true)
No you proposed and i rejected...
Please let us not talk about that. please..!!
ok. So when are your exams starting?
next week.
and hows cat prep?
going ok.
Do that well. forget all this ever happened.
yeah right. I ll call you later.(what I wanted to say was ' I ll forget that you rejected me. the rest I ll remember' but guts desert you when you need them the most)

All exams got over, weeks passed by. I was in a state where I had turned off my emotions and was just going through with my work. I still had the hope that this is just an initial rejection. maybe she was scared to say yes. I know she likes me. I should continue talking to her. But what if she really meant it? If she had seen me only as a friend. If the sparkle in my eye while speaking to her had eluded her? I rode my bike home on the last day of the exam.

I freshened up and was ready to eat lunch when I got a call from her.
Hey Dilip(all charged up and full of excitement)
Yeah shakti(wary, or tired maybe)
You know this guy anand i told you about a long time back.
yeah(who????)
Yeah, he proposed to me today.
oh........ I mean and.....
I accepted.
what????
yeah i told you I had a crush on him remember?
but, how, i mean why, i mean.. all the best..
what?
I mean i wish you guys a happy life and I am truly happy for you(tears flowing down, profusely)
I was scared i would burst out crying on the phone so i told her that i ll talk to her later and kept the phone down.My entire body was trembling. Lunch became irrelevant.

That day evening, i went to the besant nagar beach. I slipped off my sandals and walked barefoot along the shoreline. My mind was blank. I could not think of what to say or do. After nearly an hour of walking the coastline, i went home,mind a little more calm. It became easier for me to accept that she had been in love with him all this while. What was not easy was how did i not spot it? How could i be so Foolish and how could i let down myself. Love is not something that can be thrown out overnight and I still loved her,maybe still do. She was after all unique, My shakti. I slowly came out what I would call a fit. Took me close to a month where I became morose, untrusting and seldom smiling. A month passed by in the new year but I hardly noticed it. In this time, I did speak to her on a few occasions but these were immaterial. These did not hold on to me like before and I even stopped checking messages. That year, I joined work, moved to mumbai and she moved to bangalore. All with the promise to keep in to keep in touch.

Just another boy met girl story.
The End.