Life makes me laugh - Part 4

"Hey i am making some dinner. you wanna walk over?"
"hmmm.. ok. what time do i come over?"
"8 p.m ok?"
"cool"
"ok i ll see you then, gotta impress the lady!"
"hehe.. :D alrite!"

This was the precursor to the first dinner we had together. I had cooked and she came over and went gaga over the food (People usually do :P). We had a great time and a conversation and the whole feeling of being happy in each others company was very apparent. What followed this was even more amazing. We would meet up at 2.am to have tea and talk like it was going out of fashion till 6.30 in the morning. We had a couple of dinners (sometimes she cooked, sometimes i did) and every time i was getting the serious impression that here was a person who had connected to me very well. I thought we had an obvious chemistry and that anything beyond this and taking the relationship further was a given. We were chatting regularly and meeting up almost at will. But as always, i had a doubt as to if this was just a very good friendship or more? was my mind playing games with me? and every time i brushed away these thoughts with, nah, not possible. This is so obvious. And we went on talking.

And then the d day arrived. I have a calender here in my room where i mark what i do everyday in just a few words or abbreviations and there are these 3 days that are by far the funniest markings i have done in the whole calender so far. Day 1: We had been chatting the whole day and i just had to clear the question about the relationship with her. I had prepared sort of a dialogue that i had practiced in case i met her that day. But the meeting wasnt gonna happen and my curiosity was killing me. And hence while chatting, i told her to pay attention for 2 minutes and typed out the whole dialogue that i had prepared to say. Silence......... and then finally she replied back saying "look i like you a lot too and you are a great person to hang out with but there are certain things i need to tell you before you can talk any further on this." so i was like "shoot". And for that she said "no its better that i tell you this in person. We ll meet up tomorrow or something and talk and then you can think it over".

My thought was like a wild horse in an open field. It just went in all sorts of directions and i was dying to know what was it that she potentially had to tell me? I thought it must be some important issue. I though of all sorts of situations that she could come up wit and funny retorts for all of them. I was sure that all was A-OK and that whatever she came up with wouldn't be a problem at all. And then waited.

Day 2: Silence.

Day 3: I d walked 1483 steps in my room just going around in circles. I was getting impatient and her silence was frustrating me. Finally she came online. I was instantly on her trying to chat up and sound normal and not show my impatience at all. And to my chagrin, she was also going on like that. No mention of any meeting. No mention of any topic, nothing. Now i ve heard of situations where girls drive you crazy but this was impossible. Finally, i could contain it no more and just told her "look, i am not able to work. My mind is all over the place. Please lets fix a time to meet up and talk about whatever that you want to talk about. it ll at least leave me in some peace". And then she opened up. Right there on the chat. Talked about a lot of stuff. Said she wasn't ready for a relationship. This i could understand. Said that she was a part of this sect and that anyone who was gonna be her life partner should be a part of it too. Now i am not religious in the faintest sense of it. I believe in god and have my own views on certain things. And this reason from her really shook me. I was like, that's not possible; Religion? Sect? Are you serious? is that the only reason? and then after a while, i just turned away from the conversation and logged off. My mind was suddenly very calm. Maybe because it had gone blank.

Have you seen the night sky at like 11p.m and looked at it really long? and then felt as though you were a part of such a huge system. stuff like that? I was sitting on this ledge in between fields, a short walk away from my hostel. I had a couple of bottles of beer next to me and i was leaning on the post and looking up. I was all alone in all directions for as far as i could see. And there was this beautiful silence all over that was almost like music to my ears. After a while, when the beer had run out and i felt as though i was on top of the situation, i walked back to my room. Singing a song along the way.

Anjala from Varanam Aayiram:

Ava Enna Enna Thedi Vandha Anjala
Ava Neratha Paathu Sevakkum Sevakkum veththala
Ava Alaga Solla varthai Kooda Paththala
Ada Ippo Ippo Enakku Venum Anjala
Ava Illa Illa Neruppu Thane Nenjila

The End.